TW: post includes indirect discussions of assault and comment section includes direct discussions of assault
I'm sorry that I have to apologize for being a distraction
That the way I dress makes it hard for you to control your actions
That my femininity makes me only worth a fraction
That when we speak out on what is wrong you argue it's only a faction
In grade school we were all taught to
"stand against bullying" but when the young girls do
people brush it off and claim "that boy just likes you"
they don't think of how it's harmful even if it is true
School also teaches us that girls have to be patrolled
for what they wear because they can't hold boys accountable
"Boys will be boys," that's what we're always told
yet they don't seem to outgrow it even when they're old
In way too many settings women are often judged by men
who think that women owe them something when they hand out "compliments"
their words may sound sweet but they don't hide what they meant
we are afraid because we don't know what is their intent
No one wants to be that one woman out of six
who is harmed by men who are let go despite what they inflict
not all are sent to court and over half will be dismissed
as they wait for trial even though one third are ex-convicts
This is why we carry pepper spray, keys in knuckles, or a small blade
why we park by street lights, wear one earbud, watch if we need to run away
why we know to not scream help but fire if we meet someone who was raised
to think they were entitled to, not an object, but a person with dna
The society we've made is wrong and some effects can be avoided
if the teachings of excusing men were slowly eroded
if teaching respect and consent were widely promoted
if the the actions of dangerous individuals were not so sugar-coated
But when I say this I hear again and again
the unhelpful response of "not all men"
but even if it's only one in ten
if the other nine don't speak, this injustice won't end
Note: I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic but ask that everyone be respectful as the first step to progress is understanding.
https://www.rainn.org/statistics/perpetrators-sexual-violence
https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence
This was so powerful. It is so true that this society has the mentality that boys will be boys and because of that their behavior needs to be dismissed. They should be held accountable for their actions. Their behavior must not be excused it should be called out! Although its not all men, the ones who are good people needs to stand up against it, because being quiet is not helping the problem.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! I agree, more people need to start speaking against it otherwise it will not stop. I have seen some men starting to do better too many are still quiet.
DeleteThis is really well done - an important topic and in poetry form! I recently saw two interesting things. One was a stat and said it's not all men but if 97% of women face inappropriate behavior, then they are forced to question and be scared of all men. The second was written by a woman who happens to be a lesbian. She was in a board meeting, with mostly men who were discussing dress code and how women would be distracting if they wore certain items, so this woman (who many did not know was a lesbian) shouted out, "I like girls." Everyone stared at her. Then, she continued "I like girls and I've never been distracted by anyone here at the office." All the men stopped the discussion. Those two things really stuck out to me. Everyone should be held accountable.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing this! I also saw people bring up the 97% stat online, especially in response to Sarah Everard and it made me think more about the depth of this problem. Also, your second story further makes me believe that people like the men in that board meeting are the true problem, not the victims who get blamed for not going to further lengths to protect themselves.
DeleteI personally disagree with any societal norms condoning abuse or rude behaviour towards women given that these issues do not only pretain to women. From the statistics you provided if you take into account the number of times men are raped while incarcerated, more men are raped yearly than women. As for your experiences as a woman, much like my experiences with any form of racism, given they are annecdotal they should not be taken in higher regards than fact. For example, the fact that a majority of Black Americans want the police to spend the same amount of time or more time in their areas (https://news.gallup.com/poll/316571/black-americans-police-retain-local-presence.aspx) should not be discredited by one person's poor encounter with them. I am not saying we should not acknowledge that such awful instances occur, just that judging from the facts, men generally understand how their actions affect others and are held accountable if not by others but by themselves.
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking the time to respond. I do acknowledge that incarcerated people are also victims of assault and I obviously believe that it needs to be prevented. I would like to point out that not all inmates from the given statistics were male, so it is possible that men are not raped more regularly than women. In fact, the US Department of Justice released a report saying that an estimated 302,091 women and 92,748 men are raped each year. I could not find whether this included inmates but either way, the numbers are still concerning. This is discussed in more detail on https://www.ojp.gov/pdffiles1/nij/183781.pdf (pg 26). If it is true that more men are raped compared to women, it is important to consider who is raping them taking in the fact that men make up 70% of prison staff (https://www.bop.gov/about/statistics/statistics_staff_gender.jsp).
DeleteDespite what gender the incarcerated victims may be, I agree this is a huge problem and I would have addressed it if I felt that I had the education or personal experience to speak on it.
To be honest, I am not completely sure how you were able to determine that men understand the effect of their actions and are held accountable. I do not mean to disregard assaults on males but many men will never understand the fear of being assaulted in the way that women do. Because of this, I believe that it is very difficult for men to realize the true depth of the effect of their actions, and some may just not care. I know that anecdotes are not more reliable than facts but when there is a lack of research regarding men’s opinions on harassment and assault, it is best to note the way many men react to women when they share their stories. The fact that many men still shift the blame to the victims by telling them how to prevent getting assaulted, rather than calling out the perpetrator and advocating for preventing assaults, proves to me that men are not holding other men accountable. Furthermore, if they were holding themselves accountable they would have not assaulted people in the first place. I am not saying that all men are like this, it’s just that there are too many men acting like this and too few speaking out against it.
DeleteJulia, you killed this! I'm so glad you spoke out about this. This issue definitely needs to be focused on more. Also, I love the poem format you went with. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteThis is amazing. It is written so well and delivers a powerful message!
ReplyDelete