Life has a way of working in cycles: birth, then childhood, then a period of adolescence that quickly turns into an uncertain adulthood. As a person matures, the expectations pressed upon them increase. College, jobs, marriage—the traditional cornerstones that mark a person as a responsible adult.
Well, that and children.
Last year, one of the teachers asked the students in one of my classes whether or not they saw themselves having children in the future. The entire class raised their hands, aside from myself and one other student. These results didn't necessarily surprise me, but I couldn't help but be a little startled. Was my sentiment not as commonplace as I had thought it was?
I'll be honest, I don't really like kids.
Disclaimer: I don't hate kids.
In fact, I adore the few little kids I have in my family. I've enjoyed watching them grow up from the start, and I wouldn't give that up for anything. I wouldn't mind babysitting for a few hours for those who are close to me.
The thing about having children is that it causes so many changes. Not only do you need to devote 18+ years supporting them financially, but pregnancy destroys the mother's body.
In the past, I've been told that I'll "grow out of it" and that once I've started to settle down, I'll want to use these gifts that have been oh-so-graciously bestowed upon me in order to continue my bloodline. That once I'm 30, everything will suddenly change; that I'm too young to have any idea of what I want. I am already at the ripe old age of 16—that's closer to 30 than it is to my own birth. Apparently, I can decide what I want to do with my career at this age but not whether or not I want to devote my existence to a child. I am completely content being a genetic dead-end if it means I can live my life the way I want to.
And if I do end up changing my mind, that's completely fine! The problem is that it's not a choice, but rather an expectation. Those who dare to oppose the societal norm are shunned and denounced for their own decisions. If someone wants to have kids, they should be able to do that because having children would be fulfilling for them, not because they "owe it" to someone else. I just happen to end up on the side of the spectrum that doesn't want them, and I shouldn't have to defend myself for it.
I would be an awful parent anyway, but that's a can of worms for another time.
I love your honesty here and I agree that no one should have kids if they don't want that kid of commitment in their lives! My favorite line "genetic dead-end." Also, I think pregnancy changes a woman's body, but doesn't destroy it....geez!
ReplyDeleteI really liked how creative your blog was. I totally agree with how we are already deciding on careers but aren't given an option when it comes to kids because everyone just assumes you are having them.
ReplyDeleteI loved this blog! Children aren't for everyone and it's a decision that should not be forced upon you. You shouldn't need to change because of societal standards that everyone needs to have children.
ReplyDeleteThis was very creative! I agree with how people assume you are going to have kids instead of something like a job were you get to choose.
ReplyDeleteThis is such an interesting topic, and you're completely right that today's society has an expectation that everyone will get married and have kids, when it isn't necessarily the right decision for everyone. The sacrifices made to have a child and then support that child, let alone multiple children is a lot, and definitely something that should be talked about more. But Elizabeth you are one of the nicest people I know you would be an amazing mother, if you ever decide that you would like to be one! People also don't talk a lot about adoption, or foster care either, which are also very significant and life changing issues for children, and people who are choosing to adopt of foster.
ReplyDeleteAw, thank you Catherine! I really appreciate that.
DeleteI didn't want the post to be too long but I do agree that foster care and adoption are really good alternatives, despite the pressures put on people to have biological children of their own. It really depends on what the parent wants.
I loved this. I completely agree that it should be a choice, and there shouldn't be pressure, whether familial or societal to have kids. We are definitely progressing, but some circles still do believe that kids are the be-all-end-all for women. This is definitely a pretty big and complex topic with some interesting history, and I'm so glad that this at least touched upon some of it in a light-hearted and engaging manner.
DeleteI love this. I can relate when it comes to not feeling that "baby fever". Having kids is deemed to be a goal or a milestone that we must all reach, but the reality of the situation is that not everyone should be a parent. Yes, there are parents out there who truly do want to raise a kid, but I think a lot of people have kids since it's whats expected.
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